


Confessions of Love

by KaytheJay



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23620597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaytheJay/pseuds/KaytheJay
Summary: Crowley has loved Aziraphale since the dawn of time, but he isn't sure if Aziraphale feels the same.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley & Original Child(ren) of Aziraphale and Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Confessions of Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is quite a bit longer than I was planning on, but I had so much fun writing it! I hope you all enjoy it!

Crowley couldn’t help but to stare at the perfect curls around Aziraphale’s head. Nothing would ever compare to them. They suited Aziraphale perfectly, though he wouldn’t expect anything less for an angel. Angels were supposed to be perfect beings. Creations that do nothing but serve the Greater Good. 

It had been a long time since he’d realized that he’d fallen in love with the angel. Years of the angel shadowing him and the agreement, he couldn’t help but to begin to have feelings for the angel. They’d spent most of eternity on each other’s tails. 

He knew it was crazy. He was a demon after all. And demons weren’t supposed to love at all. Just spread hatred and other nasty feelings around the world. So why on any given planet had he not only fallen in love, but he had managed to fall in love with an angel. Demons and angels were hereditary enemies. Constantly working against each other fighting for what they thought was best for their own personal goals (or rather the goals of head office, but who was keeping track). 

Lately, Crowley had been lying to head office more than he usually would. It started out small. Oh this person didn’t fall for the temptation or that woman was too much of a saint. He just wanted to keep himself out of Aziraphale’s way. He knew how Heaven had been in the early days. He would much rather deal with the wrath of when Hell came for his head than if Heaven were to find that Aziraphale hadn’t been doing his job properly. He usually made up for the lies by taking credit for things that the humans decided to do on their own. It was enough for head office, so it was enough for him. He just didn’t want to see Aziraphale hurt. He especially didn’t want to see him fall. 

But they couldn’t honestly keep going the way they were. Crowley knew that eventually not being able to complete tasks would fall on his head and he might even get pulled from Earth. Forever. That was the last thing he wanted. If he was no longer able to leave Hell, he would never see Aziraphale again. 

So one day during the fourteenth century, he did the only logical thing he could think to do. 

“Aziraphale!” He called as if he hadn’t expected to see the angel there. Aziraphale turned to see the demon barraling after him. 

“Crowley?” Crowley stopped when he was close enough for conversation and hunched over and tried to catch his breath. “Is everything alright?” Crowley smiled and stood up straight. 

“Nothing could be better, angel,” Crowley said. “I must speak with you though.” Crowley’s eyes flicked around the area. “In private.” Aziraphale furrowed his eyebrows. Never had the demon ever requested his presence in private. 

Instead of remarking on that, however, Aziraphale simply said, “Alright, we can go back to my place to talk.” Crowley smiled gratefully. Aziraphale led him away. Crowley carefully watched over his shoulder to make sure no one was looking at them as they meandered their way through the crowd. He didn’t want any lingering angels or demons to see that they were working together. This would not work. 

Once they got to Aziraphale’s home, Crowley checked everything to make sure there was no way that an angel could happen to overhear the conversation. An angel besides, of course, Aziraphale. They both could get into trouble if either of their respective head offices even knew they were chatting let along if they knew what this conversation was about. Satisfied that no one was listening, Crowley took a deep breath. 

“Angel, I just need you to listen right now, ok? I don’t want you to say anything.” 

“Crowley, are you ok?” Aziraphale asked again. He wasn’t one to care about the wellbeing of any demon, but if the situation were something that a demon is concerned about, there was something terribly wrong in the universe. Crowley smiled in response. 

“Of course, angel. Everything is going swimmingly. Just according to the ineffable plan,” he said. “Why, do you think that there is something wrong?” Aziraphale shook his head, though he wasn’t so sure. Behavior like this was incredibly odd for Crowley and he was dancing around the fire of whatever the topic was. 

“Well get on with it then,” Aziraphale said, almost impatiently. Crowley took a deep breath.

“How long have we been friends?” Crowley asked. Aziraphale could only stare at Crowley. Their friendship was what the bugbear was? He could hardly believe it. He’d thought that the world was ending. Seeing as Aziraphale wasn’t going to answer the question, he answered it himself. “Fifteen hundred or so years, angel. Since the very beginning. There together from the start of it all.” 

“What are you getting at, Crowley?” Aziraphale asked calmly. Crowley smiled.

“Well I-uh well . . . “ Aziraphale sighed. 

“Just spit it out, demon.” Crowley nodded. 

“Well, over the years, I’ve quite enjoyed getting to know you and having all of our little adventures together and-”

“If you are here to try and get me to back away from my assignment you are a hare-brained dolt. I don’t have a choice.” 

“Ah yes, well see, that isn’t actually what I want.” Crowley shook his head. “No no. Not at all. In fact, I have been lying to my own head office so that you could keep it.” 

“You’ve done what?” Aziraphale exclaimed. Crowley shrugged. “You can’t just lie to head office.” 

“Of course I can,” Crowley said. “I’ve been doing it for quite some time now and we both still have our jobs, do we not?” Aziraphale shook his head.

“I’m quite certain that my job has nothing to do with you lying to head office,” Aziraphale said.”I have been doing just fine.” Crowley raised his eyebrows, momentarily forgetting the point of this conversation. 

“Just fine, then, angel. Do you want to explain your definition of just fine because I’m fairly certain that a big part of your instructions is to keep away from me and just to keep an eye on me.” Crowley gestured to the house. “Not invite me into your home.” 

“May I remind you that you are the one who asked for a private meeting, not me.” Aziraphale said. Crowley nodded. And he only just realized that this was the first time that they’d had a private meeting. Most other times they’d met up, they’d met in a public place where they had to be extra careful of prying eyes. 

“You are absolutely right. I did.” He shook his head to clear the thoughts from the conversation they’d just been having and focus back on the conversation that he’d wanted to have in the first place. “So basically,” Crowley took a deep breath. He shouldn’t be saying this. Even though he knew that it was true, he shouldn’t be saying it. It was something that would get them both in trouble if either of the offices found out, even if Aziraphale didn’t feel the same. Just the simple fact that they’d been close enough for Crowley to develop these feelings was enough to get the both of them taken off of the planet for the rest of eternity. He said it anyway. “Basically I’ve fallen in love with you, Aziraphale,” Crowey admitted. 

Aziraphale was silent. Crowley began to count the little particles of dust that he spotted on the floor as a way to pass the time. Aziraphale shook his head. He turned his back to Crowley and walked out of the room. Crowley wasn’t sure if he was supposed to follow him or leave, so he stayed put. After a few minutes, Aziraphale came back. 

“You’re a demon,” Aziraphale said. “Demons can’t feel love.” Crowley shrugged.

“Well if it isn’t love then tell me what it is.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Crowley,” Aziraphale said. “I am not feeling your emotions so I can’t tell you what you are feeling. But you are a demon.”

“You’re right. You’re not feeling my emotions, so how can you sit here and tell me it isn’t love?” Aziraphale sighed. “You know I’m right. Don’t try to deny it,” Crowley said. “You just don’t like the idea of a demon having feelings for you.” Aziraphale shook his head. 

“We can’t do this, you know that. I can’t keep my assignment knowing that.” Aziraphale sighed. “I don’t feel the same way, Crowley. Please leave.” 

“But-” Aziraphale pointed to the door. Crowley sighed and did as he was asked to do. 

As soon as he was gone, Aziraphale began to pace. He was going to have to come up with head office in order to get his assignments switched. He couldn’t just keep doing this whole thing with Crowley and expect Crowley’s feelings, whatever they were, to eventually go away. What they needed was space, possibly forever. He wasn’t quite sure yet. He didn’t like this, but he was glad that Crowley had told him. So that he could get it sorted out as not to cause any more damage than he’d already done. 

A demon falling in love? It just didn’t happen. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Demons were supposed to be cold and emotionless. They weren’t supposed to feel anything, let alone something as positive as love. 

Besides, he couldn’t possibly feel the same anyway. He was a demon. They were supposed to be enemies, and that’s what they were. There weren’t supposed to be any other feelings to it. Just sworn enemies working against each other to foil their plans. 

Space would be good. 

***

Crowley kicked the dirt as he walked away. He should have known to expect something like this. Aziraphale was, after all, an angel. One of the best angels he’d ever known, and he’d known a lot of angels, both fallen and not. Aziraphale wasn’t going to be one to break the rules over simple feelings. He wasn’t even sure why Aziraphale allowed him to even get close. Why they’d ended up friends would always be beyond him. 

After a while of walking, he turned back as if he would see the angel running after him to tell him to stop. He’d made a mistake and he was willing to fix it. But, of course, he saw no such thing. Just the crowd of people milling around town. 

He really didn’t know where to go. He couldn’t very well go to the place he’d been staying. He just didn’t have the heart for that. But he didn’t have anywhere else to go. He supposed he could always ditch the country and find somewhere else to live, but he wasn’t so sure that’s what he wanted either. He didn’t want to go too far away in hopes that the angel would change his mind and try to find him. He knew that the chances of that happening were low, but he didn’t want to risk it. But he didn’t want to go home. 

At home, he had too many memories of Aziraphale around. Not that Aziraphale had ever been there, but there were so many little keepsakes from their various travels. Crowley even had a brick from the original walls from the Garden of Eden specifically because that is where he first met Aziraphale. It was little more than dust sitting in a jar by that point, but the point still stood. He couldn’t go home because there was too much of the angel all around the home. 

And he wasn’t quite sure if he’d ever see the angel again, so it would be best to try and forget him.

He didn’t like that thought, but he knew it was true. He knew that Aziraphale had been serious about wanting to switch over assignments to get away from him. To get Crowley’s feelings watered down and hopefully gone forever. If the angel was successful in getting a new assignment, he would probably never see Aziraphale again. 

His eyes burned with something he wasn’t used to. He blinked and water began to leak from his eyes. Crying. He’d seen a few humans doing it, but he hadn’t been aware that his demonic body was capable of it. He’d never done it in all his years on Earth. Not a single time. Of course it was this stupid angel that had him a mess. Why wouldn’t it be the angel. He shook his head. 

Eternity just got longer. 

***

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Gabriel asked, surprised. Aziraphale nodded. 

“I believe it best that another angel takes over on watching Crowley. I fear that he suspects me.” Gabriel nodded. 

“I should have expected it,” he said. “Crowley is a highly intelligent demon. And you,” he shook his head. “Well you are you, Aziraphale.” Aziraphale didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, but he was positive that it wasn’t good. 

“So what do you suggest for me instead?” Gabriel thought for a moment before shaking his head.

“I don’t think we have anything for you as of now,” he said. “You just gave up your one assignment. You can’t expect me to just conjure you up a new one just like that.” Aziraphale nodded. He understood, crystal clear. He just didn’t like the implications that he wasn’t going to be able to go back to Earth for a long, long time. If ever. It wasn’t typical for an angel to give up an assignment for any reason, so he was expecting to be met with ridicule. Especially since he’d framed Crowley as smarter as himself. But that was the only way that head office was going to even consider his request. 

That was, of course, without knowing the real reason. He couldn’t be expected to tell them what Crowley had admitted. That would get this both in trouble. This way, he’d at least get some office work as he had in the days before Earth, rather than being completely banished, falling, or worse. Exterminated. 

Aziraphale trudged back to his Heavenly home, hoping that someday, he’d be able to make it back to Earth. 

***

For the remainder of the 1500’s, Crowley found himself without an excuse to be doing Hell’s bidding. The only reason he hadn’t been doing it before was for the sake of Aziraphale. But now he no longer had Aziraphale. Therefore he had free range of everything. 

Within a year, he'd convinced the Spanish to take slaves from Africa to their colonies in the New World. He placed the idea in their heads that because they were white, they were above the people in Africa who’d had darker skin. He put ideas of how to beat and torchure the people in order to get them to do their bidding of their own free will. Everyone in Hell absolutely loved him because of this move. 

It guaranteed so many generations of souls for Satan, from both the Spanish and the Africans. The Spanish for mistreating other human beings. The Africans who tried to revolt and ended up killing their masters. 

Crowley eventually found himself as the royal advisor to King Henry the VIII. He was the one who’d insisted that Henry break away from the church and create his own. He was the only who’d made sure that Henry thought the only way to get rid of his wives that weren’t providing sons was to kill them. He was also the reason that the king believed that a baby being born a boy was somehow on the woman. Some food she ate or other. Crowley had been the one to make sure that Henry’s only son became too sickly to be able to lead the country, leaving the royal duties to his older sister, Elizabeth I-the first queen of England.

Every other event that was bad had nothing to do with Crowley, but Crowley had grown tired of not being able to provide for Hell for the sake of an angel that he would report that he had been the one who told the humans to do it. Hell never checked in to make sure he was doing what he said he was doing. All they cared about was the fact that bad deeds were happening. 

Even through one-hundred years, Crowley felt empty and wrong. He didn’t like that he had the free will to do anything that he’d wanted to for the last hundred years. Not like anything he’d done he’d wanted to, but it had to be done. He had to restore his standing with Hell if he wanted to remain on the planet, which he did. He so desperately did. 

Even nearly a century since he’d last seen Aziraphale, he was still holding out the small hope that the angel would some day come to him once again. He wasn’t going to be able to even run the chance of seeing the angel again if he wasn’t serving Hell on Earth. 

Even if all of the temptations he was performing were just in a vain attempt to fill the hole that had been cut into his heart the day Aziraphale had made him leave. 

He knew that realistically he would never see the angel again. They’d never gone more than a year without running into each other, even accidently. Perhaps the angel somehow knew that everything that Crowley was doing was, in fact, Crowley’s doing and was avoiding the areas just because of that. He also knew that he would never be able to fill the void that Aziraphale had left. 

He’d hoped that Aziraphale had been right. Space is all he needed and the feelings would fade away. But that wasn’t the case. If anything, his loneliness had only consumed him more ever since the angel had abandoned him. Not that he blamed Aziraphale or anything. Aziraphale was only doing what he thought was best for himself and keeping his stance as an angel. Crowley knew how much Aziraphale loved being an angel. 

He just hated what it was costing him. 

***

Aziraphale had been right about getting stuck in the office after trying to trade assignments. The work was a little tedious. In a hundred years he hadn’t been able to move up at all when it came down to positions. Not that he could very well blame them. He had abandoned his assignment. And from all the paperwork he and the other angels had been doing, Crowley was doing quite a bit of damage. 

The reports that came up somehow linked Crowley to every single major event during the fourteenth century. Aziraphale knew that Crowley had a tendency to lie to head office to get what he wanted, but he never realized it was this much. It felt like every day he was doing a report on how many people Crowley had killed or how many souls they had lost because of Crowley. Crowley this Crowley that. 

He’d taken this job to get away from the demon, but everything was linked to Crowley. Aziraphale couldn’t believe Crowley’s little fit that he was having. Though little may have been the wrong word to describe it. It was costing Heaven everything. To a point that Aziraphale had three assistants to try and get through all of the work wrapped around Crowley and a number of angels had been assigned to visit Earth just to try and even out the playing field. Raising children to be so good that they wouldn’t even consider anything bad, or performing small miracles for people in order to try and keep them on the light side. Anything to try and get all the damage Crowley was doing under control. 

Part of Aziraphale felt responsible for the outburst. He had, he knew, been able to keep Crowley from doing everything that Hell was wanting him to do. Maybe it was, in a way, his fault. He had turned his back on the assignment and left due to personal feelings. Everyone in the office knew about this. They all knew that Aziraphale was, at least, in part responsible for everything that they were going through. All the damage control they were being forced to do. Aziraphale hated all the dirty looks his fellow angels would give him.

Perhaps that was why he hadn’t been able to leave his desk job in trade for higher authority. It’s not that he’d expected to become archangel from the whole thing, but a little appreciation would have been nice. 

One morning, the angels already hard at work clicking away trying to get all of the paperwork done as smoothly as possible in preparation for the day, Gabriel called Aziraphale into his office. 

This surprised Aziraphale for a number of reasons. He didn’t think that the angel would pull him away from such important work for one thing. He also thought that Gabriel had been assigned to Earth to start raising more children or possibly even creating half human half angel hybrids. He wasn’t exactly sure. 

As soon as he walked in, Gabriel motioned for him to sit. Aziraphale did as he was told and watched the archangel intently. Gabriel paced around the room for a few moments of silence before sitting down. 

“How did you do it?” Gabriel asked. 

“I’m not sure I know what you mean, sir,” Aziraphale replied honestly. 

“Crowley. How did you keep him under control? I’ve had to assign fifty different angels to him since you left. All fifty of them have failed to get him to the level of cool that you had him at.” Aziraphale could only stare. 

He’d known that he would be replaced once he left. Everyone in Heaven saw all the memos that Crowley would send to head office, making him out to be a very powerful demon. Of course there would be angels there to keep watch over him. What he was surprised at, however, was the fact that fifty different angels hadn’t been able to get the demon under control. Aziraphale could only assume that with every angel that would fail the rank of the new angel would only go up. It was hard to imagine that the best angels wouldn’t be able to control Crowley by force at the very least. 

“It is of vital importance that you say it,” Gabriel said. “We want to get this whole situation under control, don’t we?” Aziraphale nodded. 

“The paperwork has been quite dreadful,” Aziraphale agreed. “I haven’t even been able to put together any strategies to stop this,” Aziraphale said. 

It wasn’t exactly true. He hadn’t come up with anything that he would be able to get approval from Heaven for. Besides maybe giving him a good coating of holy water, but he wasn’t ready to admit that. Besides, he didn’t want Crowley to end up a smoking heap of whatever clothes he’d last been wearing. 

“It seems to me,” Gabriel said, “That you are our best bet for getting this under control.” 

“Me?” Aziraphale said, mostly out of surprise. He never imagined Archangel Gabriel to admit that he was a vital piece of the puzzle. 

“Would you be willing to put everything you have here aside and go back to Earth to keep an eye on Crowley?” Gabriel asked. 

“But what about all the paperwork that needs done?” Aziraphale asked genuinely. He didn't want to leave knowing that someone else was going to have to pick up his work and make up for the fact that he was no longer there. 

“I think we’ll be able to get it handled if you can get the Crowley situation sorted out,” Gabriel replied. “So, what do you say?” Aziraphale thought for a moment. 

He did desperately want to go back to Earth. He’d missed it a lot since he’d left. Everything from the people and animals to smaller things like books and little trinkets that they made. But, he had to admit, the thing he missed most of all was Crowley, his best friend. Even if the demon had made a mistake in admitting feelings for him. It had been a century since they’d last seen each other. He was confident that Crowley had lost his feelings, leaving them being ok if Aziraphale went back to Earth.

“I’ll go,” Aziraphale said.

***

“Crowley,” Aziraphale said quietly when he got the first look at the demon in a century. 

Crowley didn’t want to believe it. He thought he’d finally gone mad. It had been one-hundred years since the last time he’d seen the angel. There was no way he’d heard correctly. He was never going to see the angel again. 

“Crowley,” Aziraphale said more sternly. Crowley turned and saw exactly who he’d never thought he’d see. 

“Aziraphale,” he whispered. He was frozen where he was, completely unable to move. Aziraphale took a step towards him. He hadn’t changed a bit, Crowley realized. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected. They were both eternal beings, so physical change was basically limited to their hairstyle and clothing. And from Aziraphale’s clothes, it was clear that he hadn’t gotten the memo that the century had turned. “Aziraphale,” he said a bit more loudly, his feet becoming unstuck from the floor. He marched over to the angel and wrapped him up and squeezed him. “I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispered. Aziraphale squirmed to get away. 

“Alright, alright, let go,” Aziraphale said. Crowley did as was asked of him. “We have to talk.” Crowley nodded. 

Once they’d made it back to Aziraphale’s place, it was instantly clear to Crowley that this wasn’t well-lived in. It didn’t even have Aziraphale’s scent yet. It was mostly a place of nothing in particular everywhere. Crowley knew that this move was new. It had to be. Aziraphale wouldn’t leave a place like this for very long. 

Aziraphale brushed his fingers through his own hair. Crowley could see that there were dark circles under his eyes and his face had started to sink in. He was blinking more than he used to and he wasn’t able to look at Crowley for very long. Aziraphale was still upset with him. 

“So . . . “ Crowley said, trying to act as if he were oblivious, “how’ve you been?” Aziraphale balled his fists at his side and stood a little straighter. 

“I have been working nonstop since I left to try and get the mess you’ve made of this world sorted out. Everyone in Heaven was ready to holy water you, but as you are a demon, we don’t have that authority over you. But I imagine Hell was quite pleased with your work.” That would explain his anger. Crowley would be mad too if he’d had to try and fix someone else’s mistakes for a century. 

“But you’re back?” Crowley asked. Aziraphale looked around the room before settling back on Crowley. 

“Yes. I’m back,” he said. “Because Heaven realized how dangerous you are and they couldn’t find anyone else to be able to get you back under control, Crowley. Because of you, God has had to rewrite The Great Plan.” Crowley shrugged. 

“God should have known better.” Aziraphale huffed. 

“What even was that all about?” Aziraphale asked. “You caused so much destruction no one even knows what to do about you anymore.” Crowley shrugged.

“Hell quite likes me.” Aziraphale shook his head. 

“Why? Why did you do all this?” Crowley smiled sheepishly. 

“Since the beginning of time, I have held back. I was trying to be just average enough that Hell would be ok with me, but bad enough that I wouldn’t get in your way.” Aziraphale sat down and put his head in his hands. 

“You’re joking, right?” Aziraphale asked. Crowley only shook his head. “So why the sudden outburst? Within a year you were put on all sorts of Heaven’s watch lists to try and keep you under control before you . . . well.” Aziraphale shook his head. “Destroyed the Great Plan.” 

“I’ve missed you,” Crowley said. “You’re my best friend. You have no idea how lonely it gets down here without a friend. I mean, I made a few human friends, but none of them lasted very long.” 

“And you think that all this,” Aziraphale gestured around the room even though no sign of Crowley’s destruction over the last hundred years was anywhere in sight, “was going to impress me?” Aziraphale shook his head. “Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.” 

“I didn’t think it would impress you,” Crowley said. “I just . . . well,” he thought for a moment to piece together his thoughts without accidentally revealing that he was still in love with the angel because that would probably end right back where they had been before. “I got bored. I had nothing to do. And if you weren’t here to stop me then I may as well try and get into the bad disgraces of Hell so I had something to show for my time on Earth.” 

“This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous.” Aziraphale shook his head. “You are a powerful demon, Crowley. You could have been doing this all along but you didn’t. And you’re really going to blame this on me.” Crowley shrugged. 

“I never said it was your fault.” 

“You shouldn’t have been holding back for me. Especially now. Now that both forces know what you’re capable of, Hell is going to expect more out of you.” Crowley shrugged.

“They’re demons, angel. They get used to disappointment. Especially out of me. I’m just surprised that it took them as long as it did to realize that I was holding back.” 

“Heaven doesn’t think you’re holding back. They think I have you under control.” 

“They’re not technically wrong.”

“Fifty angels, Crowley. Fifty angels and not a single one could do anything about you.” Crowley shrugged. 

“I’ve held back, apparently. Held back more than I thought I did.” Aziraphale shook his head. 

“But as long as I’m your assigned angel you’re going to behave?” Crowley shrugged.

“For the most part on your standards. I still do have to keep up enough on the Hell end of things to not get sentenced to an eternity in the deepest pit.” 

Aziraphale could not believe what he was hearing. All this time, all it would take to have cleaned up Crowley’s mess was for him to come down and socialize with him every once in a while. So much had changed because of this little oversight. How could he have been so stupid? If he hadn’t left because of Crowley’s too-close feelings, none of this would have happened. He couldn’t help but mentally kick himself. But he knew that he’d done what he had to. He had put space between him and Crowley. Enough space that any lingering feelings Crowley may have had would be gone.

***

A few decades past and everything was going well. Aziraphale had “gotten Crowley under control” and order was restored to the Great Plan. Crowley and Aziraphale slipped right back into their old habits. They even made an official agreement to stay out of each other’s way so that they wouldn’t have to lie to head office, but at the same time they would still be doing their jobs. There were a few times that they even realized that they were cancelling each other out so they made an agreement that if they both had a job in the same area, they would flip a coin to see who had to go and do both jobs. Crowley didn’t mind their little arrangement so much, but he knew that Aziraphale hated having to do any demonwork. So, most of the time, he would rig it so that he would lose the toss. Just often enough that he did it more than just by random chance, but not so much that Aziraphale would become suspicious. 

Having Aziraphale back brought any feelings he had lost, which hadn’t been much, come back and come back stronger than they were before. However, Crowley now knew exactly what would happen if he would confess. He didn’t want to go through another century of that mess. He supposed that Heaven probably wouldn’t let Aziraphale back after knowing what Crowley was capable of, but he wasn’t ready to risk it. It hadn’t been very long with having his angel back and he wasn’t ready to run the risk of losing him again. 

Around this same time, however, the angel was also struggling in his feelings towards the demon. He’d always considered Crowley a friend, almost since the beginning. An unlikely pair but they worked well together to do what was best for the humans, overall. Even if that meant twisting assignments just a little bit. He didn’t know what love was and had once thought that love was an emotion saved just for humans. But the more time he spent with Crowley, the more he realized fuck, I think I’m in love with a demon. He didn’t want to admit it. Not to himself and certainly not to Crowley. 

They were hereditary enemies. They weren’t supposed to have feelings for each other. They were supposed to want to tear each other apart. He wasn’t even supposed to be friends with the demon, let alone anything else. If head office ever found out how Aziraphale really kept control over Crowley, he’d be executed on sight. That was the last thing that he wanted. They weren’t to speak to each other. Heaven didn’t even know that Crowley had ever spotted him. They just thought once over a hundred years ago, Aziraphale thought Crowley might spot him so they moved him. At that point, it’d been long enough that they trusted that Aziraphale knew his way around Crowley well enough to not be caught, even with a hundred year break. 

Round and round their feelings went on an endless ride. Neither of them admitting to the other their feelings, too afraid of what might happen if they were to be found. It became nearly impossible to even enter a room where the other was without giving anything away. 

But the pair still kept up their agreement. Because of this, Crowley was able to keep his high rank in Hell. Aziraphale . . . well, he was doing his best. Everyone in Heaven was still blaming him for what had happened throughout the 1500’s, making it hard for him to gain any respect. It was hard for Aziraphale being outcasted by the angels because of a stupid little mistake, and it haunted him every day. Aziraphale had once dreamed of becoming an archangel himself, but now that was completely gone thanks to Crowley. A demon who once claimed that he loved him. Destroying one’s dreams didn’t seem much like love to Aziraphale, but what did he know. He was just an eternal angel who’d been around since the beginning of time. 

***

Crowley had had quite enough of hiding. He knew what might happen if Aziraphale found out, but he was tired of keeping this secret from the angel he loved. However, thinking logically, he also knew that Aziraphale knew what happened the last time he’d left. He was willing to take his chances. 

The year was 1875. They’d both settled into London fairly well. Crowley had his apartment and Aziraphale had begun the stages of opening a bookshop. It had been 374 years since his original confession. He figured Aziraphale assumed the feelings went away. Which would make sense since Aziraphale spent one hundred of those years a hundred of those years in Heaven trying to avoid him. He didn’t see the harm in it. 

The worst that could happen was Aziraphale wouldn’t feel the same way. It wasn’t like Heaven was going to allow him to pull what he’d done all those years ago and just . . . stop with his Crowley assignment. The world was (mostly) back in order because Aziraphale had a handle on the most dangerous demon (in the eyes of Heaven). They weren’t about to let go of their equilibrium just because of an angel’s fears of being caught. They would tell him to just figure it out. It wouldn’t be worth the risk of redoing the Great Plan again. So he strutted into Aziraphale’s bookshop with utmost confidence. 

“Angel?” Crowley said. “Are you here?” He heard something fall from the other room, so he followed the sound. 

“Hello Crowley,” Aziraphale said, laying under a pile of books. “A little help?” Crowley nodded and assisted Aziraphale out of the books and stacked them up. Crowley knew that a lot of them were first editions that were signed and meant a lot to Aziraphale to be kept in good condition. Once Aziraphale had dusted himself off, he turned to Crowley. “Is there something that you needed?” 

“Um, yes, actually,” Crowley said. “I uh stopped in to say . . .” Crowley hadn’t realized how nervous he was. He knew that there was no way Aziraphale would have as extreme of a reaction as the last time, but he still didn’t know how the angel would react. 

“Oh go on, spit it out,” Aziraphale said. “There’s no need for secrets between us.” Crowley nodded. 

“Yes, you are absolutely correct in that.” Crowley averted his eyes so he didn’t have to look at Aziraphale. “Well, here it goes,” Crowley said. “I am still in love with you,” he said. Aziraphale froze. Crowley wasn’t even sure if the angel was breathing. “I never stopped being in love with you. Years can go by and I will always love you,” Crowley studied Aziraphale waiting to see his reaction. Aziraphale closed his eyes. 

“We can’t do this,” Aziraphale said. “We just can’t.” He shook his head. He opened his eyes and looked at Crowley. “I’m not having this conversation again, Crowley. I don’t feel the same way. Even if I did, we wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. You are a demon. I am an angel. It just won’t work.” 

Crowley felt a piece of his heart die. He could not believe that Aziraphale actually didn’t feel the same way. He felt slightly better now that his feelings were on the table, but it still hurt that Aziraphale rejected him. He had hoped that after all this time, something in Aziraphale would have changed. 

“Well, that was all,” Crowley said as he turned to leave. He’d hoped Aziraphale would stop him, but he didn’t. Aziraphale knew that Crowley would need some space from him to be able to get over his feelings.

Aziraphale knew that he’d hurt Crowley. He couldn’t deny it. He’d also hurt a little part of himself, because he knew he loved Crowley right back. But they just couldn’t be together. They were already breaking the rules by Crowley even knowing where his bookshop was, let alone being welcome in it. If anyone found out their feelings about each other . . . Aziraphale wasn’t sure what would happen but he knew it would not be good. Neither side would be happy about it. Hopefully, in rejecting Crowley for the second time, he had been able to undo some of Crowley’s feelings so that they would be able to continue to work together without being spotted. They were already risking too much with how often they met as it was. 

***

Decades went by and neither of them mentioned it again. They both kept their secrets to themselves and felt a wall beginning to form between them. Aziraphale didn’t want Crowley to find out his true feelings and Crowley didn’t want to talk about his true feelings anymore. Their interactions became mostly business rather than for fun. They couldn’t risk more than they already had. It was hard enough keeping from head office as it was. 

However, when Crowley brought up raising the Antichrist as a pair, Aziraphale couldn’t resist. Not only would he be helping to avert the big war that was to wipe out humanity, but he would also get to spend more time with Crowley. He hated to admit that second part. 

It turned out that they didn’t, in fact, get more time together. In fact, they got less time together. Crowley was working in the house. When she wasn’t busy with Warlock, Nanny Ashtoreth was busy around the house cleaning up and devising clever ways to undermine Brother Francis. Meanwhile, Brother Francis tried his best to undermine the nanny. Their work seemed to be done when the child turned eleven, seeming to be a normal child. 

Until they realized they’d been raising the wrong child all along and were entered into a rush against the clock to find the real Antichrist and hopefully avert the war. 

Eventually, of course, the war was successfully averted. Heaven and Hell stepped down, the real Antichrist became a normal boy. Life went back to normal. Or, at least, mostly normal. 

The prophecy of Agnes Nutter made Aziraphale and Crowley wish to switch bodies for a while. Once their trials had been conducted and it was clear that they were not going to be bothered again for a long time, the pair switched back. 

It took a few weeks after, but eventually Aziraphale realized that what Crowley had said was true. You don’t have a side anymore. Neither of us do. We’re on our own side. It was hard to grasp at first after so many years being an angel of Heaven. He hadn’t exactly fallen, but he wasn’t exactly a heavenly angel anymore. Besides, there wasn’t much that Heaven could do at that point anyway. As far as they were concerned, Aziraphale could not be killed. There wasn’t much left that they could do.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale said one day while they were sitton on the couch, his head resting in Crowley’s lap. “I just have to say something. Something rather important.” He took a deep breath. “I am also in love with you,” he said. “I have loved you for a long, long time.” Crowley looked down at the angel with interest. Aziraphale sat up to make the interaction more comfortable for the both of them. “I’m sorry I spent so long rejecting you,” he said. “It was just hard because I knew how badly both of our people would react if we were to be caught. I didn’t want to get us in trouble. I hope you can forgive me.” Crowley smiled for only a second before deciding how to react to his angel. 

He kissed his angel. 

He kissed his angel like it was what the entire world had been waiting on. As if the only reason Armageddon had failed was for this moment. He ran his hand down the angel’s arm, sending shivers down Aziraphale’s spine. 

“Of course I can forgive you, angel. I love you too.” With that, he kissed the angel once again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hits and kudos mean the world to me. Comments fuel me into next week.   
> Find me on Tumblr @justanangelandhisdemon


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